all or nothing
by A Wolf in Cairo
Summary: Lee/Juri, and all sorts of angsty fun. [Complete]


::all or nothing::  
  
  
  
Author's Notes: Yes, I am a rather unusual girl. I support couplings that are either rare or nobody's even thought of them, like the main couple in this one. Zenrya Lee and Katou Juri. Yeah, bab-y. :] If you don't like Leeri [Lee/Juri] or Rukato [Ruki/Takato], I suggest you do not read this. I do -not- like it when people flame me just because they don't like the couple(s). Sure, flame me for my pathetic plot, or my awful grammar, or my dysfunctional writing style, but do NOT flame me because of the coupling(s). Actually, people will probably like you better if you don't flame in the first place, but hey…  
  
Disclaimer: All characters other than the Zenrya's children are © to Toei, FOX, Saban, Bandai, and various other affiliates of those large companies. This fanfic and the Zenrya's children (Tsuki and Yue - a pun, by the way: Tsuki is Japanese for moon and Yue is Chinese for moon) are © to myself, Takichan/PallaPlease (also referred to as PallaPlease or Purple Mongoose/PallaPlease). Please respect that.  
  
Summary: A short little piece of fluff that's more 'what if…' than anything else. Set about twenty years after current Digimon Tamers/Season 03 arc. Lee and Juri are a wedded couple, but she stills harbors feeling for Takato. When he contacts her with news about his engagement to Ruki… [WARNING: Lee/Juri practically oozing from this fanfic's pores. Mild Rukato hints. Not very long-lasting one-sided Juri/Takato.]  
  
*  
  
Lee didn't need to ask Juri whom the letter was from: it was written in the blank distance on her face, the absent glint in her eyes, the soft parting of her lips. Takato. Smiling regretfully to himself, Lee let it slide, again. It would have been so much better for the both of them if he confronted her about her still-existing love for the boyish man, but causing her any flustered pain was not what he wanted. "Getting soft, Lee," he murmured to himself, undoing his tie and strolling into the bedroom he and his wife shared, tossing the long strip of black fabric onto a curve-backed chair, collapsing on the bed and working off the thick black socks that were part of his workday outfit. "Can't even stand to see her hurt in any way." He knew she loved him, just as much as she loved Takato, and he'd grown used to it. He could have that much of her affection, at least. And she'd always have all of his.  
  
The shuffling sounds of feet in the walk-in bathroom and muffled giggles brought to his attention the presence of the twin toddlers who were trying -so- hard to not be found out. A smile creased his f ace and, quietly, he slipped off the comforter, tiptoeing across the woolly carpet to the door that was open just a crack. He froze there for a moment, then shoved the door open in a fluid stroke, pulling himself up to his fullest height, towering regally over the twins, a stony look on his face. Both shrieked with laughter and Terriermon, balanced on the faucet, spread his wing-like ears out and fluttered over to land on Lee's shoulder, wrapping one ear around the man's slender neck, a tiny paw weaving into his dark navy hair.   
  
"'Tousan!" Tsuki cried happily, leeching onto his leg, wrinkling the black fabric of his slacks carelessly. Yue echoed her sentiments, only the miniature male version of Juri grasped his father's hand, tugging on it persistently. "Guess what, guess what, guess what!" the four-year old bounced up and down on her stocking-coated toes, eyes lit in uncharacteristic mirth. Tsuki, a dark haired, tan skinned little girl, was usually very quiet. As if sensing she wasn't acting normally, she fell silent, staring up at her father's face with a solemnity that was rare for a child her age.  
  
Yue, on the other hand, was a masculine duplicate of their mother, with his fair skin and glossy brunette hair. He was probably as chatty as Juri could be, always smiling and laughing. "Unc'a Takato's gonna get married to Miss Ruki!" he shared proudly, releasing Lee's hand as he switched his attention to chasing his twin sister around their father's lanky legs.  
  
"We've been invited to the wedding," a new voice, Juri's light feminine one, spoke softly, and Lee turned, feeling Terriermon hop off his shoulder to tag along with the now-screaming twins as they shot like rapid-fire bullets out of the master bedroom. "Takato would like Tsuki to be the flower girl and Yue be the ring bearer."  
  
Her eyes were distant again, shielded off in their separate dream world, away from him. And all he could do was nod and smile and hug her gently for a moment before she left the room.  
  
Oh, God, he wanted her to stop loving Takato. He wanted her to love him only, wanted her to stop her childish feelings before they grew too far apart and there was no more marriage. He wanted to live the way his parents had. Loving each other and their children devotedly, uncaring about what other said or tried to do. But each day, that hope died a bit more…  
  
*  
I know when he's been on your mind  
That distant look is in your eyes  
I thought with time you'd realize  
It's over, over  
  
It's not the way I choose to live  
And something somewhere's got to give  
As sharing this relationship  
Grows older, older  
*  
  
Watching moonlight touching Lee's face as he slept had become an unconscious habit of hers. He was peaceful and so full of innocence when slumbering, so different from the Lee during the day, one that was serious and dedicated. Sometimes, she could see things on his face, at night, things she couldn't see during the day anymore. Things like childhood and dreams.   
  
Juri sighed and rested her head on his shoulder, wrapping her arm up around his arm to touch his other shoulder with one hand. She had so many things she wanted to say to him, so many, but it seemed like he didn't want to hear what she had to say. She wanted to get the guilt off of her chest, tell him that she did love Takato…but she was in love with Lee, too.  
  
Closing her eyes, she sighed again, a soft fluttering of her lips against the t-shirt he wore. He'd fight for her, she knew it, but he avoided her whenever she wanted to tell him the truth. He was afraid, she knew it, afraid of being hurt. And he didn't want her to be hurt either. She knew, as well, that he wanted all of her love, not just most. "I'm just so scared of letting go," she whispered quietly, squeezing her eyes shut tighter. "If I stop loving Takato the way I do, I'll be letting go of him."  
  
*  
You know I'd fight for you  
But how can I fight   
Someone who isn't even there?  
  
I've had the rest of you  
Now I want the best of you  
I don't care if that's not fair  
*  
  
She was beautiful, so beautiful. It took all of Lee's self-control, carefully mastered over his twenty-nine years of life, to keep from grabbing her around the waist and begging her to tell him she only loved him. He wanted everything. That, of course, was why he kept quiet, avoided the subject even when she tried to bring it up. Everything was such an unfair thing to demand from her.  
  
Closing the door after he had his briefcase in hand, he walked as quickly as he could along the sidewalk to the car, a smooth little thing that ran perfectly. It was like falling down into an abyss, each day falling further. And one day, he was well aware he would hit rock bottom. And then there wouldn't be any place left to fall. She was his best friend. His wife. His love. He still wanted everything. A colorful curse streaked out from between his lips and he bit his own lip hard, accidentally bringing up a few drops of crimson blood. He was losing the battle against himself.  
  
*  
'Cause I want it all  
Or nothing at all  
There's nowhere left to fall  
When you reach the bottom  
It's now or enver  
  
Is it all  
Or are we just friends  
Is this how it ends?  
With a simple telephone call  
You leave me here with nothing at all  
*  
  
Tsuki and Yue giggled and prodded each other at the table, knees long since numb from kneeling on the cushions surrounding the low-lying table. Terriermon watched them protectively, fulfilling his old duties of guarding.  
  
Lee spooned a mouthful of soup into his mouth, eyes focused on a distant point hidden somewhere in the varnished wood of the table. Startling him out of his reverie, he felt a slim hand reach out and grasp his free hand, fingers weaving in with his. He swiveled his head around, eyes locking with Juri's smiling ones. In one of the few moments that he knew she loved him fully, completely, he felt all regrets he had vanish, dissipating into thin air, heart winning over his mind. "I love you," she spoke quietly, smiling sweet as could be.  
  
"Wo ai ni," he responded, leaning over and kissing her cheek softly.  
  
Yue and Tsuki both made grimacing faces and jabbed their fingers into their open mouths in gag-me gestures.  
  
Juri laughed and hooked her arm in Lee's, and he smiled softly, resting his head on hers after she dropped her slowly, shyly, onto his shoulder. "Forever," she murmured and he missed what she said next.   
  
"Sayonara, Takato…"  
  
*  
There are times it seems to me  
I'm sharing you with memories  
I feel it in my heart but  
I don't show it, show it  
  
Then there's times you look at me  
As though I'm all that you can see  
Those times I don't believe it's right  
I know it, know it  
*  
  
Memories of a Christmas wedding filled his mind and he hugged her gently, taking to care to ensure he didn't wake her up. Saturday noon-light filtered in through a window to where he held her on the sofa, glinting delicately off of her thick brown hair. Tsuki and Yue were off in another room, watching television obsessively, with Terriermon monitoring them carefully.  
  
"'Til death do we part,'" he quoted under his breath, running a hand through her hair. She wrinkled her nose once in her sleep, then snuggled closer to him, sighing ever-so-softly. She'd made promises and there were fleeting moments when he wondered if she knew how to keep them. But this was not one of those moments.  
  
For once, he had her, all of her love, and he tightened his arms just enough to reassure himself it wasn't a dream and not enough to cause her discomfort. His wonderful, wonderful angel.  
  
*  
Don't make me promises  
Baby, you never did know  
How to keep them well  
  
I had the rest of you  
Now I want the best of you  
It's time for show and tell  
*  
  
Shifting through the stacks of carefully organized letters from Takato over the years, Juri lifted one, dated from around the time she and Lee had returned from their honeymoon. Opening the browned envelope, she wriggled out the old, worn letter, flipping it open from where the paper had been folded in half.  
  
'Dear Juri,  
Congratulations! This is just a short note; I'm sorry it isn't longer. (Ruki swears that if I'm late for one more dinner date with her, she's going to karate chop my butt. She didn't use 'butt,' though.) Anyway, I want you to know I love you. (Nani? Yup, love!) You're like my sister. The one I never had. So I love you! (I know you love me, too. I'm your goofy brother.) -  
  
There was a silly little cartoon sketch of himself grinning unabashedly.  
  
- But you and Lee have something special. You're -in- love with him, and he's the same way right back to you. I just hope Ruki gets over her problems and we'll still be together. See, I'm in love with her and I know she's in love with me. But it's going to take some time before we can fix everything that's hurt her and be like you guys. So, I wish the both of you good luck.  
With all my love,  
Takato'  
  
She smiled, eyes tearing, and she stashed the note into her jeans pocket, moving to place the empty envelope into the cardboard box she had deigned to put away all the letters in. Another slip of paper fluttered out of the envelope, first, and she dropped the envelope in the box, plucking up the paper.  
  
It was a drawing Takato had drawn during the wedding ceremony, apparently, and it was of her and Lee, all but running down the aisle from the laughing well-wishers tossing rice at them.  
  
A tear dripped down her cheek.  
  
*  
'Cause I want it all  
Or nothing at all  
There's nowhere left to fall  
When you reach the bottom  
It's now or never  
  
Is it all  
Or are we just friends  
Is this how it ends  
With a simple telephone call  
You leave me here with nothing at all  
*  
  
Unlocking the front door, Lee groaned with quiet suffering, dropping the briefcase he lugged to and from work on the carpet just past the wooden floorboards. Kicking off his shoes, he took one step onto the carpet when a pair of slender arms attacked him from behind, wrapping tenderly around his waist. "Juri?" his eyebrows dove up into his hairline.  
  
"I missed you," she replied, pressing her cheek on his back. "And I have something I want to talk about with you."  
  
He stiffened and, mechanically, reached down to gently pry her arms off of his waist. "Can it wait?" he inquired, turning around slowly and taking a step back.  
  
"No!" She stunned him with the reply, lifting her hands and, with surprising strength, shoved him square on the chest so that he stumbled back, falling, clumsily, flat on the floor. Quickly, she pinned him down, knees straddling him as she held his wrists tightly to the floor. "You will listen to me, so help me God!" Blinking back rapidly forming silver tears, she inhaled deeply. "I won't let us end just because I was too blind to see the truth."  
  
He looked straight into her face, trying to read her pained expression. His heart contracted painfully. She was hurting…  
  
*  
'Cause you and I  
Could lose it all if you've got no more room  
Nowhere inside   
For me in your life  
*  
  
"I love Takato," she said in a far more subdued voice. His face collapsed and she saw a deep aching pain swelling into existence in his eyes. And then, unbelievably, Juri smiled. "But I'm not -in- love with him," she continued quietly.  
  
*  
'Cause I want it all  
Or nothing at all  
There's nowhere left to fall  
It's now or never…  
*  
  
"I'm in love with -you- Lee," she moved off of him, releasing her grip on his hands, which slowly relaxed. "And don't you ever forget it."   
  
She leaned over and claimed his lips in a pure kiss.  
  
*  
  
End AN: Short, fluffy, and to the point. Ah…the power of WAFF. [WAFF = Warm And Fuzzy Feeling]  
  
I believe in Lee/Juri! Do you? Please review and tell me! 


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